So much has been written about the physical clutter in our surroundings, but once we have dealt with that it’s important to move into the realm of the clutter we can’t see or touch. One area to work with is within each of us…the emotional clutter that distracts us from personal growth along the journey of life.
So, what exactly is emotional clutter? It can take many forms but these are pretty common:
Family/childhood trauma
Survivorship baggage
Regrets…real or imagined
Self-deprecation
It’s not easy to work through and release emotional clutter, but without it, growth can be stunted or delayed. We can get our environments ship-shape but hanging onto our emotional clutter niggles away at us. It makes it difficult to focus on a vision for the future and even worse, it distracts us from taking steps toward the life we want.
Family issues of our childhood do form us profoundly since our formative years are the bedrock of how we see ourselves and others in relationships for our entire lives. However, as we approach adulthood and our brains are fully formed, we can see the function or disfunction of childhood more clearly and use this information to chart a map for our lives that’s better for ourselves as well as our loved ones. In large part, working through that emotional clutter involves acknowledgment of the behavior of our parents or other caregivers, and realizing that they most likely never dealt with their generational trauma, so they passed it on to us. So, the act of forgiveness is imperative. Acknowledgment and forgiveness will go a long way toward clearing this emotional clutter that hides in the recesses of our psyche. Working through this is likely the greatest challenge we face in clearing emotional clutter…and often requires the assistance of a trained therapist.
Survivorship baggage follows us after the death of loved ones or living through significant or life-threatening health issues. Reliving the ordeal is a natural response, particularly when calendar dates become the attachment to those events. We can’t do anything about the fact that anniversaries will come and go that connect to these trauma-related events. But we can choose to be grateful for the fact that we are still here and thriving in spite of the event. It also helps to flip the script on those events and see them as teaching moments. While our lives were changed by them, how we grew, emotionally and spiritually because of them. They can be seen as pivotal moments in a positive way. I’m not a fan of the saying, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” Living in gratitude for getting through these moments and recognizing the pivotal nature of the experiences (redirection) is far more productive.
How often have you thought or voiced regrets for something you said, did, or didn’t do? These can pile up to create a LOT of emotional clutter. Of all the categories of emotional clutter, this is the least objective and seemingly the most often voiced. We are all prone to say or do things we regret throughout our lifetimes. Buyer’s remorse comes to mind…how many times have you made a purchase that you later felt was impractical or otherwise not well thought through? This is a category that can also result in amassing physical clutter. Even if we remove it, we still deal with the self-loathing of having made the purchase to begin with. Then there are the moments when we say or do things that weigh heavily on our psyche afterward. The only responsible thing we can do is try to rectify it. It’s an important step in any 12-step program. Acknowledgment and atonement. It takes two words: “I’m sorry.” Then allow that energy to move out into the universe and don’t look back., except to keep the lesson learned.
Self-depreciation is one of the most destructive because it truly attacks the core of how we see ourselves. In many cases, this is linked to childhood experiences. But that’s not always the case. Sometimes, we live in the shadow of others by design. In otherwords, we have not learned to appreciate ourselves for who we are. We are always looking at other people’s talents as greater than our own. If we cannot see our true worth, how can we ever expect anyone else to see it? If you have fallen into this self-destructive pattern, it’s time to take stock of your talents and proclivities and find a way to put them to use. For instance, you may not think your proclivity for organization and time management is not “markeatable" or valuable. In fact, without that talent, life could be chaotic. In the business world your skill is needed in all areas of operations. At home, it keeps you and your family from running amok. Perhaps you’re a “people person” and can read a room. In just about every facet of life and business this is a valuable skill. It’s time to realize just how valuable and unique you are and find the best way to use or acknowledge your special skills. Rather than seeing yourself as less important or skilled than someone else, embrace the uniqueness that is you! Clear out the negative self-deprecating thoughts and words, and replace them with self-talk that is uplifting and validating. Mirror work is helpful here. Look at yourself in the mirror every day and speak words of love and appreciation for who you are and what you have to offer.
If you have difficulty working through emotional clutter, find someone who can help you. It could be a friend, a special group, or a therapist. Sometimes we just need another perspective…another person who can help us see how truly special we are! There’s no one like us. We are the sum of our birthright and experiences. Releasing the emotional clutter that is keeping us from being the best version of ourselves is just as important as any other aspect of our lives. Wishing you a journey of love, self-respect, and peace!
